Watching A Very Potter Musical
by SerpentWinged
Summary: The Order of the Phoenix and dumbledore's army watch AVPM! Rated T for language.
1. Act 1 Scene 1

**Lets say that Cedric isnt dead.**

* * *

><p>Harry was working in the Garden, when suddenly a bright flash of gold light appeared from nowhere. Suddenly, he found himself in hermione's living room, along with the order of the phoenix, and Dumbledore's army, along with Draco Malfoy.<p>

"Harry!" Harry looked around to see Sirius standing there with his arms outstretched. Harry ran to him and let himself be engulfed by his godfather.

"Why are we here, Hermione?" Bill asked.

"I have a note here..." She picked up a scrunched piece of parchment up and read aloud.

_Hiya! This is a note from the year 2011. We found a rather amusing video on a muggle computer sight, and we thought you might enjoy watching it! So here you are!_

_TRL & JSP_

**HARRY: (Sings while sat on trunk in middle of stage) Underneath these stairs I hear the sneers and feel the glares of my cousin, my uncle and my aunt. **

"What does it mean, under the stairs Harry?" Sirius asked. Harry just shook his head.

"Later." He said.

**Can't believe how cruel they are, and it stings my lightning scar to know they'll never ever give me what I want. **

"Spoiled brat." Snape said.

"He meant love, dumbass." Ginny scowled. She high-fived Hermione.

**I know I don't deserve these stupid rules made by the Dursley's here on, Privet Drive. Can't take all of these muggles, but despite all of my troubles, I'm still alive. **

"Dramatic, much?" Ron smirked. Harry punched him lightly on the arm.

**I'm sick of summer and this waiting around, man its September and I'm skipping this town, hey its no mystery there's nothing here for me now... (stands up and sings) I got to get back to Hogwarts.**

"I don't know why I find this funny." Bill said between snorts of laughter.

**I got to get back schoool, I got to get myself to Hogwarts, where everybody knows I'm coooool. **

"Is that right?" Hermione said, turning around and looking at Harry.

"It isn't me!" He argued.

**Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts, to Goblin and ghosts and some magical feasts. Its all that I love and its all that I need at Hogwarts, Hogwarts, I think Im going back. I'll see my friends going to laugh 'till we cry, take my Firebolt gonna take to the sky. No way this year anyone's gonna die, **

"That's pleasant." Remus said between laughter.

**and its gonna be totally awesome! **

"Think you could get a better catchphrase, mate?" Sirius teased.

**I'll cast some spells with a flick of my wand, defeat the Dark Arts yeah bring it on!**

"Okay I would never say that." Harry huffed. Nobody heard him because they were all laughing to hard.

**and do it all with my best friend Ron,**

"That's me!" Ron squeaked.

"REALLY!" George yelled sarcastically.

**'cause together we're totally awesome!**

"True that." Harry admitted with a grin. He and Ron high-fived, much to the amusement of the hall.

**RON: (Enters stage door and sings) Yeah we're so cool and we're totally awesome! (Talk) Did somebody say Ron Weasley? Wooo!**

Cue laughter.

"Ron you look hilarious!" Ginny choked out.

**HARRY: Hey!**

**RON: Sorry I couldn't get here earlier I had to go get some uh, floo powder. So come on grab your trunk, lets go.**

**HARRY: Why? Where're we going?**

**RON: To Diagon Alley of course!**

**HARRY: Cool!**

**RON: Come on! (Starts going around in circles flapping arms saying floo powder power six times) **

"What the hell are you two doing?" Hermione screamed between laughter.

"Oh this is bloody priceless!" Remus choked out.

**RON: (Stands next to Harry and sings) It's been so long, but we're going back, Don't go for work don't go there for class.**

"Well really!" McGonagall scolded, though she was laughing too.

**HARRY: As long as we're together-**

**RON: -Gonna kick some ass **

"That we do." Ron grinned.

"It's usually old moldyshorts aswell!" Sirius grinned.

**RON+HARRY: And its gonna be totally awesome! This year we'll take everybody by storm, stay up all night, sneak out of our dorm.**

"You better not." McGonagall scolded again.

**HERMIONE: (Enters from behind the boys) Well lets not forget that we need to perform well in class, if we want to pass our OWLs!**

"Typical Hermione." Harry grinned.

**RON: God Hermione! Why do you have to be such a buzzkill!**

**HERMIONE: 'Cause Ron! Schools not all about having fun we have to study hard if we want to become good witches and wizards. (Starts to sing) I may be frumpy but I'm super smart. **

"I am not frumpy!" Hermione cried as the room laughed.

**Check out my grades, there 'A's for a start!**

"Don't you mean O's?"

**What I lack in looks well I make up in heart, and well guys yeah thats totally awesome! **

**This year I plan, to study a lot...**

**RON: Well that would be cool if you were actually hot!**

"RON!" The girls yelled while the boys all cracked up.

**HARRY: Hey Ron, come on, we're the only friends that she's got,**

"HARRY!" Sirius and Remus mock scolded, wiggling their fingers as they did when they were about to tickle the shit out of him.

**RON: And thats cool,**

**HERMIONE: And thats totally awesome!**

"It's not that awesome!" Tonks cried, though she had a grin on her face that said otherwise.

**RON+HERMIONE+HARRY: Yeah we're so cool and we're totally awesome!**

"Even cooler than us?" Sirius said in mock hurt.

"Oh definitely!" Harry exclaimed. Sirius and Remus glared.

"We'll get you later."

**ALL: (enters the rest of cast and do dance behind) We're sick of summer and its waiting around, Its like we're sitting in the lost and found, don't take no sorcery, for anyone to see hoooow!**

**HARRY: I gotta get back to Hogwarts!**

"How many times have you said that?" Dumbledore questioned with a grin.

"Too many!" Harry cried, as Sirius pulled him into a bear hug from behind..

**ALL: We gotta get back to schooool! We got to get back to Hogwarts! Where everything is magicooool! **

"I never would have noticed!" George said sarcastically.

**(All of cast joins in) Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts, to goblins and ghosts and some magical feasts. Its all that I love and its all that I need at Hogwarts, Hogwarts I think we're going back. **

"Next part!" Ron yelled.

"Not yet young ones." Sirius smirked. He turned to glare mischievously at Harry.

Five minutes later, Sirius was finished tickling his poor godson to death, much to the amusement of everyone else.

Hermione loaded the next video onto the screen.


	2. Act 1 Scene 2

**(Cast exits except for Harry Ron and Hermione, and enter Ginny)**

**GINNY: Ron!**

"Is that meant to be me!" Ginny yelled

**You were supposed to take me to Madame Malkins and use those sickles mum gave you for my robe fittings!**

"Probably."

**HARRY: Uhh, Who's this? (asks to Ron)**

**RON: Oh, This is stupid dumb little sister Ginny,**

"Thanks Ronald!" Ginny yelled, pretending to cry. Bill smirked and grabbed her from behind. He sat down with her squirming on his lap.

**she's a freshman. Ginny this is Harry, Potter this is Harry Potter.**

**GINNY: Ohh, your Harry Potter! Your the boy who lived!**

"You were not THAT obsessed were you?" Charlie cried. Ginny looked sheepish.

**HARRY: Yeah your Ginny.**

"Genius."

**GINNY: Its Ginevra. (holds hand out for a hand shake but Harry ignores it)**

"Why would I say that?" Ginny yelled.

**HARRY: Cool, Ginny's fine.**

**RON: (Claps hands above Ginnys head) Stupid sister! Don't crowd the famous friend!**

Cue the laughter!

**HERMIONE: Hey do you guys hear music or something?**

**CHO+POSSE: (Enter doing their little dance) Cho Chang, Domo Arigato, Cho Chang. Gung hey fat Choy Chang, Happy happy new year. Cho Chang!**

"Oh God!" Cho yelled. The room was in fits of laughter.

**GINNY: Who's that?**

**RON: Thats Cho Chang, the girl Harry's totally been in love with since freshman year.**

"WHAT!" Was the immediate scream around the room.

"I am hurt you did not confide to me in this young man." Sirius mock scolded. Harry suddenly became very interested with the bluebell carpet.

**HERMIONE: Yeah but he wont say anything to her.**

**RON: Yeah, well you never tell a girl you like her it makes you look like an idiot!**

"That sound like the same advice SOMEBODY gave me in forth year." Remus said, making a point of looking at Sirius.

**GINNY: (Walks over to the group of girls) Konichiwa Cho, Chang. It is good to meet you. My name is Ginny Weasley(Says it all very distinctly to lavender)**

"Ginny!"

**LAVENDER: Bitch, I aint Cho Chang!**

"Huh?" Cho asked, bewildered.

**RON: Thats Lavender Brown! (Claps hand over Ginnys head) Racist sister!**

Cue the laughter again.

"What would Lavender say?" Hermione said between giggles,

**CHO: Hey Hey, its alright. I'm Cho Chang Ya'll.**

"That looks nothing like me!" Cho cried.

"Maybe in the muggle world you are portrayed as a 'player', if you will, therefore they are using a rather sexy looking actress to play you." Ron said.

The room stared at him.

"What?"

**HARRY: She is totally perfect.**

**RON: Too bad she's dating Cedric Diggory though Huh?**

**HARRY: What? Who the hell is Cedric Diggory? Who is that guy? What is he, who is he?**

"Harry!" The teens mock scolded.

**CEDRIC: (Enter Cedric pushing Harry and Ron Out of the way) Oh Cho Chang, I am so in love with Cho Chang! From Bangcock to Ding Dang! I sing my love aloud, for Cho Chang! (Exit while running after Cho and posse)**

"Sweet!"

**HARRY: Man I hate that guy! I hate him!**

"I love you to, Harry." Cedric said with a smile.

**RON: So are we going to go get them robes or not! **

**GINNY: Yes alright! I'm coming!**

**RON: God sister! (Exit Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny. Enter Neville from right and Crabbe and Goyle from left)**

**GOYLE: (Bumping into Neville) Present your arm nerd! (Neville puts arm out) Indian-burn hex! (ENTER TRIO AND GINNY)**

"He knows a spell!" Harry yelled in shock.

**RON: Oh, Crabbe and Goyle.**

**HARRY: (walks up to Crabbe and Goyle) Hey why don't you leave Neville Longbottom alone?**

**GOYLE: Well, if it isn't Harry Potter. You think all because your famous, you can boss everyone around!**

"I don't think like that." Harry muttered, so just Sirius and Ron could hear him.

**HARRY: No I just don't think its cool for guys like you picking on guys like Neville, I mean c'mon.**

"What do you mean, guys like me?" Neville asked.

"I dunno, it's not me." Harry said softly.

**GOYLE: Well, you know what I think? I think glasses are for nerds!(Goyle take Harrys glasses) We hate nerds! (Breaks glasses)**

"He did that in third year." Hermione frowned.

"That was because you punched Malfoy in the face. That was awesome by the way." Ron grinned.

**CRABBE: And girls! **

"Isn't that a girl?" Sirius snorted.

**RON: Oh, you don't mess with Harry Potter, he defeated the Dark Lord when he was just a baby.**

**HERMIONE: Alright, everyone just calm down. Occulus Reparo! (Glasses are fixed)**

**HARRY: Whoa cool!**

**HERMIONE: Now, lets leave these big Baby childish jerks alone!**

"Good insult, Mione." Harry grinned. Hermione blushed.

**DRACO: (Enters from left) Did somebody say Draco Malfoy? **

"OH MY GOD!" The room burst into hysterical laughter.

"IS THAT A GIRL!" Harry screamed in-between gasps.

"With an earring!" Ron screamed.

**Crabbe Goyle, be a pip and go pay for my robes will you. So Potter, back for another year at Hogwarts are you? Well maybe this year, you'll wise up and hang out with a higher calibre wizard? (strikes funny pose)**

The room burst into laughter again.

**HARRY: No way Malfoy! Ron and Hermione are my best friends in the whole wide world and I wouldn't trade them for anything. (puts arms around them and ginny tries to join but Ron pushes her away)**

"Lovely!" Ginny said. She launched herself at Ron, and they both fell to the floor. The room laughed at them.

**DRACO: Have it your way then. Wait- Don't tell me! Red hair, hand-me-down clothes and a stupid complexion. You must be a Weasley!**

"What's wrong with that then?" Bill growled at Malfoy.

**RON: Oh my God, lay off Malfoy! She may be a pain in the ass okay, But she's my pain in the ass!**

"Glad to hear you care Won-Won!" Ginny said, giving Ron a sloppy kiss on the cheek before getting up.

**DRACO: Well isn't this cute! Its like a little loser family! **

"Thanks!" Harry yelled cheerfully, embracing Ron from behind, making the room laugh at the pairs antics.

**(Exit Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny and enter Crabbe and Goyle) Hogwarts has really gone to the dogs. Luckily next year, I'll be transferred to Pigfarts!**

"Excuse me? Pigfarts?" Dumbledore said innocently. Harry and Ron suddenly burst into laughter.

"What?" Hermione demanded. After about a minute the pair sobered up, at exactly the same time, looking at the screen with blank expressions. Hermione backed away slightly before pressing play.

**(starts to sing) This year you'll bet, I'm gonna get out of here, the reign of Malfoy is drawing near. I'll have the greatest wizard career, and its gonna be Totally Awesome! **

"You guys seem to say that a lot." Seamus said.

**Look out world for the dawn of the day, where everyone will do Whatever I say, and Potter wont be in my way. And then I'll be the one who is totally awesome!**

**GOYLE: Yeah you'll be the one who is totally Awesome!**

"That was strange."

**CHOO CHOO!**

**HERMIONE: C'mon guys we're gonna miss the train!**

**(cast comes on stage and forms threes lines and act as a train)**

**ALL:(SING) Who knows how fast, this years gonna go? Hand me a glass let the butterbeer flow.**

"I love that stuff." Luna said dreamily.

**HARRY: Maybe at last, I'll talk to Cho!**

"NO!" Everyone turned to see that Ginny had gone over to Harry and was sat distinctly on his lap.

"Ginny…" Harry started. Ginny just smiled down at him. Harry couldn't help but return that smile.

"FINALLY!" Fred and George screamed.

**RON: No way that would be way too awesome!**

**ALL: We've come to learn everything that we can. Its great to come back to where we began. And he we are, and ALAKAZAM! Here we go, this is totally awesome! (the train separates and some grab benches and get into two lines facing each other.) So come and teach us everything you know. The summers over and we are itching to go. (everybody stops)**

**NEVILLE: I think we're ready for, Albus Dumbledore! **

**ALL: Ahhhhhhhhhhh, ahhhhhhhhh (Enter Dumbledore)**

**DUMBLEDORE: Welcome! **

"Oh my God!" Ron screamed, seeing the Computer Dumbledore tossing flowers to the audience and wearing sandals.

**(Holds the come for 9beats) All of you to Hogwarts! I welcome all of you to school. Did you know that here at Hogwarts, we've got a hidden swimming pool! **

"Really?" Harry asked.

"Somewhere in the castle Helga Hufflepuff had a leisure room, but it hasn't been found yet."

Harry saw Sirius and Remus exchange looks, while Fred and George did the same. He and Ron did that also, as it was on the Marauders Map.

**Welcome welcome welcome Hogwarts. Welcome hotties nerds and tools. Now that I've got you here at Hogwarts, (Speaks) I'd like to go over just a couple of rules. My name is Albus Dumbledore and I am Headmaster of Hogwarts. You can all call me Dumbledore, well I suppose you could also call me Albus if you wanted a detention, Nah I'm just kidding, I'll expel you if you call me Albus! (Albus moves to the back of the stage)**

"Hello Albus." Tonks grinned. Dumbledore's eyes twinkled.

"Hello Nymphadora!" He smiled back. Tonks lost her grin.

"Whipped." Ron muttered, making Harry choke into his goblet.

**ALL: Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts, to goblin and ghosts and some magical feasts. Its all that I love and its all that I need at Hogwarts, Hogwarts. Back to spells and enchantments potions and friends, To-**

**GRIFFINDORS: Gryffindor!**

**HUFFLEPUFFS: Hufflepuff!**

**RAVENCLAWS: Ravenclaw!**

**SLYTHERINS: Slytherin!**

**ALL: Back to the place where our story begins, at Hogwarts, Hogwarts!**

**DUMBLEDORE: I'm sorry, what's its name?**

**ALL: Hogwarts, Hogwarts!**

**DUMBLEDORE: I didn't hear you kids!**

**ALL: Hogwarts, Hogwarts! **

**HARRY: Man I'm glad I'm back! (casts stands at the front of stage with wands in air)**

"Bit of a strange ending but there it is."

"NEXT VIDEO!" Ron ordered.


	3. Act 1 Scene 3

**DUMBLEDORE: Yes, yes, welcome to another magical year at Hogwarts! **

**And a very special welcome back to my favourite student, Mr Harry Potter (RON: Woo!).**

"Is this video showing you as an arrogant brat on purpose?" Charlie asked. Harry shrugged.

**He defeated Voldemort when he was just a baby, and he's even got that little lightning scar on his forehead to prove it.**

Harry swore under his breath, and only Remus heard who gave Harry a look clearly to say, "Mind-your-language-or-else." Harry hated Remus's 'Or-elses'.

**And also another special welcome to the newest addition of Gryffindor! Mr Ginny-**

"MR?" Ginny yelled. Dumbledore shrunk in his chair.

**Excuse Me, Ms Ginny Weasley.**

**GINNY: Yeah, I'm a girl... **

"REALLY!" Harry screamed, making the room jump. He grinned at their murderous looks, knowing at least half of them would try to corner him later. And tickle the shit out of him. Again.

**But, aren't we supposed to be sorted by the uhh, Sorting hat?**

**DUMBLEDORE: Yes, well a funny thing happened to the sorting hat. He actually got hitched with another piece of Magical enchanted clothing. So he and the scarf of sexual preference,**

"WE NEED ONE OF THEM! Fred yelled. "GEORGE WRITE THAT DOWN!"

**wont be back 'till next year. So basically, I've been putting anybody who looks like a good guy into Gryffindor, anybody who looks like a bad guy in Slytherin**

"Hey!"

**and the other two can just go wherever the hell they want I really don't care.**

**CEDRIC: Hufflepuffs, are particularly good finders!**

"Since when?"

**DUMBLEDORE: What the hell is a Hufflepuff?**

"OI!" Tonks yelled.

"** Anyway, it is now time for me to introduce to you my very good friend and our very own potions professor, Mr. Severus Snape.**

**RON: Ugh man, I hope they fire that guy! **

"Thanks Weasley."

**GINNY: Why? Whats wrong with Professor Snape?**

**RON: Uh, Nothing he's just, uh, evil!**

"I expect he loves you to."

"Harry…" Remus shook his head.

**(Enter Snape)**

"SNAPE!" The room all screamed with laughter, even Dumbledore and McGonagall couldn't help but shake with silent laughter.

**HARRY: Oh, come on he's really not that bad.**

"Thanks Potter." Snape hadn't laughed at his portrayer, but he had to admit it was rather funny.

**SNAPE: Harry Potter! (dragging out each word) Detention!**

"That's mean." Ron said, growing serious at once.

**HARRY: What?**

**SNAPE: For talking out of turn!**

**Now before we begin, I'm going to give you all your very very first, Pop-Quiz. (students groan except Hermione) Can anybody tell me what a portkey is? **

**(Hermione's hand shot up in the air.)**

**Oh Yes Miss Granger?**

**HERMIONE: A portkey is a magicaly enchanted object that when touched will transport the one or ones that touch it to anywhere in the globe decided upon by the enchanter.**

"Bloody hell Hermione you can talk fast!"

**SNAPE: Oh Very good. Now can anybody tell me what foreshadowing is?**

**Oh yes Miss Granger?**

**HERMIONE: Foreshadowing is a dramatic device in which an important plot point is mentioned early in the story to return later in a more significant way.**

**SNAPE: Perfect!**

**RON: What was a portkey again I missed that one.**

**HERMIONE: Oh, A portkey (RON: not you, oh my god) Is an enchanted object that when touched will transport you anywhere in the globe.**

**SNAPE: And remember a portkey can be any harmless object, like a football. Or a dolphin.**

"Imagine a poor dolphin being a portkey!" Hermione gasped.

**LAVENDER: Professor? Can like a person be a portkey?**

**SNAPE: No thats absurd! Because if a person were to touch themselves (looks pointedly at Ron)**

The entire room burst out laughing at this, even Snape.

**they would constantly be transported into different places. A person can however be a Horcrux.**

**HARRY: What's a, what's a Horcrux? **

**SNAPE: I'm not even going to tell you Harry, you'll find out soon enough.**

"That is weird!" Harry yelled. He knew about the Horcruxes alright.

**HERMIONE: Professor what is the point of this quiz?**

**SNAPE: Oh no no no point in particular, just important information that everyone should know. Especially you! Now, moving right along, there are four houses. Gryffindor (Woo!),**

**Ravenclaw (OW!)**

**Hufflepuff(CEDRIC: Find-) What?**

The room burst out laughing. Cedric blushed.

**and Slytherin. (Yesss)**

**Now traditionally, traditionally points are given for good behaviour and deducted for rule breaking. Example! Ten Points from Gryffindor!**

**GRYFFINDOR: What?**

**SNAPE: For Miss Grangers excessive baby fat.**

Cue laughter.

**RON+HARRY: Thanks Hermione.**

**SNAPE: Traditionally the house with the most points at the end of the year would win the House Cup! However this year we are doing things a bit differently. And here to introduce it, is our new professor of the Dark Arts, Professor Quirrel! (Enter Quirrel)**

The occupants of the room were in stitches seeing the man whop stood in front of them. He had a shape on his back that was obviously an extra head.

**HARRY: Ow! OW! Ow!**

"Good dramatics Harry." Remus said amusement in his voice. Harry blushed.

**HERMIONE: Harry, what's wrong?**

**HARRY: Ow! Ow! Jesus!**

"HARRY JAMES POTTER MIND YOUR LANGUAGE!" Molly scolded.

"It isn't me!" Harry said, exasperated.

**QUIRREL: The House Cup. A time honoured tradition. For centuries- (DRACO: Go home terrorist! 'acting innocent')**

"Draco you should have done that in first year!" Harry said, once again on the floor with Ron and Hermione. The adults looked down at all the teens on the floor, and smiled. It was nice they got a laugh.

**For centuries the four house of Hogwarts have competed for the honour and glory of House Champion. But where does this tradition come from, and what are the . . . roots of the competition?**

**HERMIONE: The House Cup tournament began with the first generation of Hogwarts students.**

**QUIRREL: That was a rhetorical question!**

"Ooooooo Hermione!" Ginny said, still clutching her sides.

**DUMBLEDORE: Granger quit interrupting, twenty points from Gryffindor.**

**RON: Thanks Hermione.**

**QUIRREL: As I was saying, when the competition first originated it was that of a completely different sort. One champion from each of the four houses would complete a series of dangerous tasks and challenges. The winner would not only win the cup (pause for dramatic effect for 2 seconds) but they would also win eternal glory.**

**HERMIONE: Kind of like a House Cup- or no like a Triwizard tournament.**

**QUIRREL: Yes, sort of like a Triwizard tournament- except, no not like that at all. There are four houses, how can it be the Triwizard Tournament with four teams?**

"Owned!" George yelled, still trying to pull himself up off the floor with little success.

**HERMIONE: Well, er, Professor if I remember correctly, the House Cup tournament was disbanded after one semester, when one of the students was killed during the first task.**

**QUIRREL: Yes. It is very dangerous, but the rewards far out weigh the risks.**

"Hmph!" Hermione choked between giggles.

**HERMIONE: I don't think you heard me. I just said somebody died!**

**DUMBLEDORE: Hermione Granger, shut your ungodly lop-sided mouth and quit interrupting! Twenty more points!**

**HARRY: Thanks Hermione.**

**(Pause)**

**DUMBLEDORE: God! For the smartest witch of your age, you really can be a dumbass sometimes! **

Everyone collapsed again. Sirius and Remus took pity on Harry, who was getting smothered by Hermione and Charlie, and pulled him up onto the sofa, where he laughed into Sirius's shoulder. Ron tried pulling himself up by clutching onto Remus's leg. With a little help, he managed to fit himself on Sirius's other side, as Harry was between the two marauders.

**Ten points to Dumbledore!**

"You're not making this any easier sir!" Ginny gasped from underneath Fred. Dumbledore just smiled.

"Who da man?" He smiled, knowing the reaction this would cause.

**QUIRREL: Yes, yes, well it will be very dangerous, but the winner will be remembered as a hero for ages to come. And as the professor of Defence Against the Dark Arts, I believe that a practical application is exactly what the curriculum needs to-**

**VOLDY: AH CHOO! **

"What?"

"Did Voldemort just sneeze?" Harry said, in fits of laughter again, along with the rest of the teens.

**DUMBLEDORE: Did your turban just sneeze?**

**QUIRREL: Wh-what? No.**

**DUMBLEDORE: I could have sworn I heard a sneeze coming from your direction but your mouth wasn't moving.**

**QUIRREL: No, Sorry that was simply a fart, excuse me. (starts to leave)**

The teens were gasping for air as they laughed. They were not quite sure why they were laughing as farts were not funny, but it was more the way he had said it. Harry and Ron rolled back onto the floor, right on top of Bill and Charlie who pulled them into brotherly hugs.

**VOLDY: AH CHOO! (bumps into harry)**

**HARRY: OW OW Ahh Jesus! (VOLDY: AH CHOO!)**

**QUIRREL: I must be going. **

**VOLDY: AH CHOO!**

**QUIRREL: I simply farted once more, excuse me.**

Snape looked down at the immature teenagers. He sneered at them, then felt a jab in his side. Dumbledore looked at Snape.

"Let them be children." He murmured.

**DUMBLEDORE: In Order of the newly resurrected house cup, a champion from each house will be selected to compete. So Snape, will you do the honours?**

**SNAPE: (Carrying cup) Yes Headmaster. (dramatically pulls out a slip of paper) First from the Ravenclaw House; A Miss Cho Chang!**

**CHO: Oh, My god I won, I can't believe it ya'll I won!**

"Do I really sound like that?" Cho said from the gap between Dumbledore's chair and Arthur.

**SNAPE: A next from Hufflepuff (pulls paper out) Mr Cedric Diggory.**

**CEDRIC: Well, I don't FIND this surprising at all.**

"Is that all he says?" Ginny asked from behind the sofa.

**CHO: I find it perfect 'cause now I can spend more time with my beloved boyfriend.**

**CEDRIC: I am glad as well my darling.**

**SNAPE: A next, from the Slytherin house, (pulls slip out) A Draco Malfoy!**

**DRACO: Oh! Ho! I finally beat you didn't I Potter. What do you think of that huh?(goes over to gryffs and starts rolling all over them.) I'm the champion this time! (rolls onto floor)**

"MALFOY!" Everybody had abandoned all hopes of getting up off the floor, and had resolved into sitting in a large huddle in the middle of the room.

**DUMBLEDORE: Draco sit down you little shit, champions just a title.**

"WOO! GO DUMBLEDORE!" Ron cheered. Dumbledore smiled.

**SNAPE: And finally from the Gryffindor House (pulls slip) Oh my. Well isn't this curious? The one person in all of Hogwarts whom I have a very well known grudge against, is suddenly in a tournament where he very may well, lose his life.**

**NEVILLE: If-If its me, I'll just apologise to my fellow Gryffindors right now for losing.**

**SNAPE: Sit down, you inarticulate bumble. Its Harry Potter!**

"Why does everything happen to me?" Harry asked from between Sirius's legs. (Harry was cross legged against the sofa and Sirius had wrapped his legs around him to trap him.

**RON: WOO! WOO! WOO! WOO! WOO!**

**HARRY: All right! **

**DUMBELDOR: Well, here they are folks, the four Hogwarts champions, and I want all of you to start preparing immediately because the first task is in two months, and it could be anything. So lets get to it! Hahah! **

**STUDENTS: Cho Chang! Cho Chang! Cho Chang! (Draco: Malfoy! Malfoy! Hey!)**

"Bad luck, Malfoy." Harry smirked.


End file.
